Here’s a topic I know we all have felt at least once before.
It’s such a heavy thing, isn’t it? Sometimes it feels like it can drown you, overwhelm you, and take over your thought process, even for something you shouldn’t feel guilty about!
There are legitimate things to feel guilty about. Something that we truly are sorry for that shouldn’t or didn’t need to happen.
For example, when you shut the car window on a child’s finger, you might feel guilt over that. (don’t worry, it didn’t fully close! He pulled his finger back as soon as the window touched his finger, but he started yelling because it scared him, which scared me!)
Or when you pointed with your finger, only to raise your hand right when a child walked in front of you & you poked them in the stomach.
Or how about when your husband was looking forward to leftover dessert after work, only to find out that you ate it after your lunch…
How about when you unthinkingly say something to your spouse, child, or friend that causes them pain.
Those things have all happened to me. I didn’t mean to cause that pain or frustration. Honestly, I thought his finger was out of the window before I closed it; I had no clue that the child would walk into my finger; that dessert was delicious & just calling my name! Unthinking, smart-mouth, tired responses happen to all of us. And if we’re in tune with our spouse, child, & friends, we apologize & hopefully, everyone moves on.
Now, what about things that might not be so black & white, not so obviously guilt worthy? Things that we waste time & energy on that we really might not need to spend time & energy on?
Have you ever thought: “I’m spending too much time working & the house seems to always be a mess”
Or “I’m not able to fix meals like I used to.”
Or “I’m not available for my children at the drop of the hat like I used to.”
Or “I truly enjoy my business & feel like I shouldn’t love it as much as I do.”
Or “I yelled at the kids because I’m stressed with a deadline with work.”
These are all feelings I’ve dealt with. I’m sure you have as well.
For the first 12 years of having kids, I was “only” a stay-at-home Mommy. My focus was on them, the house, & my husband. I love cooking & take pride in my house looking nice.
It’s not unusual once I started the business for laundry to get washed every day or every other day but then sit in baskets for rest of the week. We’ve had more cereal or multiple forms of pizza for dinner. Bedtimes don’t happen strictly at 7:15 like they used to & dinner isn’t at 6pm on the dot every night either!
The kids have gotten more responsibility & learned how to fold their own laundry.
They’ve learned how to help us clean the house, to clean up after themselves (seriously, they aren’t perfect at it, but there’s improvement & that’s what I’m focusing on).
They now have a night where they are my sous chef (click here to read that post) & are responsible for not only helping their Dad or me cook but are also coming up with what they are going to cook on their own. I thought this would be a fight to get them to do, but it’s surprised me how much they enjoyed helping and picking out the meal! There’s been a few weeks where one of them has tried taking over a night that wasn’t theirs & their sibling didn’t go for it!
They have learned that life really truly doesn’t revolve around them (as it doesn’t) but that I will help them when they have a legitimate need as soon as I’m able. And my time spent with them is typically focused on them & quality!
They’ve learned that Mommy is human, & I take any chance after reacting badly to apologize, admit that I reacted badly, talk to them about any behavior they could have done better, & then we move on!
And this business that I’ve created from the ground up?
This dream that was placed in my heart & head?
This business I didn’t even know I wanted until I started it?
Do I really want to put so much blood/sweat/tears/energy into something if I don’t love it?
There obviously is a balance, though, & some days I do better, some not so much. But I strive for balance & figure it’s another chance for my kids to see me working hard at something & the growth that happens.
And you are the perfect Mom for your kids! You know them the best, fight the hardest for them, and love them the most! Focus on the good & happy, release the frustrating & challenging when it’s not justified, fix it when it legitimately needs to be fixed, & move on to the next event!
Are we going to get our thinking & our balance right every single day?
Of course not.
Are you alone in feeling Mom Guilt?
Can we support each other? Can we offer encouragement & a listening ear when everything just feels wrong or overwhelming? So that you can know that you aren’t alone, you aren’t the only Mom to feel this way, & others have gone before you!
Let’s build each other up; offer grace & a helping hand rather than tearing other moms down. We’re all just working to do our best for our families & ourselves. Let’s not make it harder than it needs to be!
Also, I have a Facebook group to help create this camaraderie & encouragement. Click here to request to join the group & find some support! Momming is demanding but rewarding, owning a business is challenging but rewarding, doing both is crazy hard & doubly satisfying!
I also offer bi-weekly Zoom calls & individual calls if you want more community/support than the FB group offers. Click here to get more information regarding those options!
Remember, we’re all in this together. You aren’t the only one feeling the stress & guilt, and we can support each other & you don’t need to hold onto the guilt!